The wide and beautiful world of BDSM is home to numerous roles, positions, and dynamics. The Dominant and submissive (Dom/sub or D/s) are the Adam and Eve (or Steve) of the kink community. Under the umbrella of these two main roles are a slew of interesting subcategories.
For many of us, “brat” is a word we’d use to describe a person—often a child—who acts out whenever they don’t get something they want. Sometimes they have tantrums irrespective of whether or not they’ll get the things they’re being a brat about.
They’re belligerent, confrontational, and just all-around difficult. Now let us ask you. In BDSM, is a brat a dominant or a submissive role?
If you answered “submissive”, then you’re correct. You can be forgiven for thinking that a brat is a dominant sub-class, what with the demanding attitude and all. But true doms will never behave the way a brat does.
How do bratty traits and actions factor into being a submissive? What makes a brat tick? We’ll answer these questions and more in this post. Let’s crack on!
How Does the “Brat” Role Work in BDSM?
A BDSM brat is a playful submissive. They push their dominant’s buttons and rile them up on purpose. They deliberately mess up, forget, or straight-up disobey. But it’s all in the spirit of light-hearted mischief, sassiness, and good fun rather than true antagonism.
How does the dom react to a brat and their antics? Why, just as any self-respecting dom does, of course—through various corrective actions.
Here’s the kicker. Even though the brat has been displaying some rather undesirable attitude, they’re still under the control of their dom. If the dom thinks it’s high time the paddle comes out, the brat has no choice but to accept their comeuppance as long as it’s been negotiated on their terms as a D/s couple.
If the brat agreed to a spanking while tied to a chair every time the dom finds their conduct unbecoming, then that’s what they’ll get. A brat is a fun and creative variant of the submissive role, but it’s one that’s still bound to the rules of BDSM.
What Motivates a Brat According to a Sex Educator
BDSM experts suggest tailoring corrective actions based on what motivates the bratty behavior. But the reasons behind what a brat does can’t always be summed up in simple terms. A brat is a complex species that needs a good chunk of time under the microscope.
Sex educator and volume squirting world record holder Lola Jean says, “The key is working with the brat, not against them.” Here are a few things that she thinks motivate a brat.
1. Punishment or “Funishment”
According to Jean, “when the act is enjoyable, the draw to this motivator could be the punishment itself…”
A large part of the sub role has to do with “pleasurable penalties”. Sometimes, a dom falls behind on their punishment administration duties. As a result, the sub will attempt to press out disciplinary actions by being a smart-assed masochist.
Subs seek out punishments for several personal reasons. Maybe they like getting choked or timed out. Perhaps they have a hankering for a good cry, which may result from a particularly intense spanking session. Whatever the reason is, the sub or brat must have agreed to the penalty.
2. Independence or Autonomy
Total power exchange (TPE) is an advanced stage of a D/s relationship. In a TPE setup, the dom has absolute control over every part of the sub’s life at all hours of the day. It’s a condition that must be made explicitly clear right at the beginning of the affair.
If a sub didn’t agree to a TPE relationship but the dom acts as if they did, they have the option of just bratting out instead of addressing the issue head-on. For example, if a dom keeps demanding stuff in the middle of the night, the sub may simply ignore the command or do the task badly.
In a way, it’s avoiding confrontation while hoping that the dom gets the message, which is, “You’re crossing some lines there, bud.”
Some subs like taking part in the decision-making process regarding their D/s arrangement. If they find the conditions are getting a bit too stuffy for comfort, they’ll use a bit of passive-aggressiveness to nudge their doms into hearing them out or giving them some level of independence.
3. Attention
Yup, often it’s just that simple. We’ve mentioned over and over again in our other BDSM guides that a dom should treasure and care for their sub. The Dom may be the boss but the sub is the star. And stars demand attention.
Ignoring a sub may trigger childish behaviors. They’ll throw a temper tantrum or ruin scenes. Sometimes the immediate attention from their bratty hijinks is enough and the sub will settle down. Other times they may affect a chaotic attitude that gets progressively worse because the dom has been especially neglectful as of late.
A dom’s reaction to attention-getting tactics varies. Some doms yield and respond with rewards, while others punish. And then there are those who discipline brats by further withholding attention, which is a form of behavioral conditioning.
The brat can kick and scream all day but the dom will blatantly ignore them. Soon enough, they’ll realize that it’s not the way to get what they want.
4. Struggle Play
There may come a time when a sub will develop a fetish for challenging the D/s dynamic. They will make attempts at grabbing power from their dom for the thrill and pleasure of it.
A cunning brat will create situations that may lead to a form of role reversal. Some call it topping from the bottom. They don’t get their kicks just from the general idea of a power struggle. Often, they get pleasure from seeing how their dom deals with their petulant ways.
Power struggle need not be a one-sided affair. If a dom hones in on what the brat is doing, they may oblige and get in on the game without addressing it. The couple can also turn the exchange into a BDSM play officially.
They may incorporate it into their scenes or day-to-day interactions. Play-fighting is a common activity that brats enjoy. It’s an interesting way of injecting something new into their D/s dynamic.
5. Dom Test
A sub consents to be controlled to an extent because they trust their dom. The sub is confident in their Dom’s skills and capabilities as a leader and caretaker.
A sub will switch to a brat persona as a means of testing the dom if they are indeed worthy of heading the power exchange relationship. If the dom manages to react satisfactorily, then they pass the test. It keeps the dom on their toes, so to speak.
It can also easily be a test of the dom’s patience. A true dominant will use their authority and wits to curb a brat’s treasonous attitude. They’ll do it for as long as needed. A fake dom may just throw in the towel and excuse themselves from the relationship dynamic completely.
“Brats can often be a chess match or a puzzle,” explains Lola Jean. She also suggests that if a dom is not sure of a brat’s motivations, they can straight-up ask them.
Bratting Tips for a Better Sex Life
A brat’s shenanigans can spice up a relationship that’s getting stale. If you’re a sub who’s looking to save your BDSM sex life from stagnation, here are a few beginner bratting tips.
1. Refuse or ignore orders
Rile up your dom by explicitly rejecting commands or by pretending that they don’t exist altogether. Baffle your dom with your belligerence and see what exciting things they’ll do to correct it.
2. Do the opposite
And do it with a smile. You can also execute orders poorly. Your dom may find it unacceptable and punish you. Many doms actually consider messing up from time to time adorable and will spend more time training their subs. If you’ve been wanting calm attention, then re-training sessions is a terrific way of getting it.
3. Be annoying
“Annoying” is a fact. “Annoyed” is a choice. If you know what makes your dom tick, then zero in on it and turn the dial up to 11. Bother them while they work or speak in a way that they find insufferable.
If you get timed out and ordered to be quiet, make little annoying noises. Want a really good paddling? Bring your stunts to harassment levels. Ask them for stuff repeatedly. A few light pranks here and there should bring them over the edge then it’s off to the stocks with you.
4. Use words and your body
Call your dom names, like “sissy boss” or “your fabulousness”. Respond with, “Make me,” when you’re ordered around. A cheeky, “Sorry, I didn’t hear you,” or “I’ll do it later,” said in the most casual manner is also good.
Sigh, moan, and groan as if you’re bored out of your mind. The more you make your responses sound like there are no consequences, the better.
A bit of backtalk will send a message to your dom that something’s afoot. They’ll either be on the defensive or they’ll start assessing your relationship to find out if cracks are forming. Bratty wordplay can be used concurrently with the other tips we mentioned here.
Similarly, your physique is a great tool for showing off your brattiness. No, we don’t suggest “playfully” powerbombing your dom when they least expect it. Something as simple as crossing your arms or wantonly walking in front of the TV will make your dom raise an eyebrow.
If you’re successful in grinding your dom’s gears, they’ll take appropriate actions. Hopefully, they’ll pull your hair harder or make those ties extra restraining in your next session. Angry sex is also another beneficial effect. All the pent-up aggression and uncertainty may translate to more passionate love-making. The release is also extra intense.
Keep things respectful when subjecting your dom to your bratty ways. Remember that you should not do anything that will seriously affect them emotionally or physically.
How To Be a Good Bratty Sub
Your bratty acts won’t hold much water if you don’t have good foundations to support them. Here are a few ways of reinforcing your position as a bratty sub.
1. Be legit
A brat is more of an intrinsic personality trait than anything. This means that if you don’t have the stomach for challenging your dom in the first place, then your brat strategies may fall apart on you in the most devastating ways.
Before engaging in the brat lifestyle, you must have a strong enough constitution to keep the act up. Your tone and actions must be executed in a way that they will send a clear message. They may confuse your dom at first but if you’re authentic enough, they’ll wise up to what you’re getting at in good time.
2. Be candid
Since brattiness is ingrained in you, playing it up should come naturally to you. Don’t rely on heavily curated or choreographed tactics. Keep things loose and jazzy. An alert dom will see through your ruse if you’re a robotic brat who seems unsure of what they’re doing.
3. Remember your place
You’re a submissive before you’re a brat. If you got the reaction that you want from your dom—may it be rewards or punishments—but you’re still hot on acting out then perhaps it’s time to look inward.
A proper sub will drop the rebellious act once their needs and wants are satisfied. If you don’t feel fulfilled despite your dom’s objectively good performance, then there might be deeper issues that need addressing.
If you often find yourself consciously or subconsciously wanting to grab power from your dom, then it’s time you reconsider your role. Perhaps being a submissive isn’t really for you in the first place.
Staying in a submissive position when you’re more of a dominant type may damage not only your relationship at large but also your emotional and psychological well-being.
4. Communicate with your partner
If brat play is officially part of your D/s dynamic, we highly recommend that you hammer out the details before jumping in. You must both understand that brat BDSM is ultimately a playful and fun affair.
You must clarify that everything is geared toward pleasure and growth as opposed to breeding and harboring actual resentment. And if the latter is becoming more apparent, the whole thing must come to an end.
Also, it wouldn’t hurt to take breaks and check in on each other if they still feel safe and if they still find the endeavor enjoyable and rewarding. Limits and boundaries must still be observed constantly.
What Is Brat Taming?
Brat taming is a set of corrective protocols focused on re-asserting dominance over a submissive that has gone brat. Determining the motivations behind the brat’s actions is the first step in the taming process.
Training, instructions, punishments, and rewards must coincide with these circumstances. The sub’s unique personality should also be considered heavily. Throwing everything on the wall in the hope that something sticks is not good practice.
The dom takes on the brat’s challenges with the same energy. This means that the dom must never overreact. There’s no real resentment behind a brat’s motivation. It’s all part of the play.
So the dom must not resort to unhealthy measures, like letting rage get the best of them when exacting punishments. The intention is to tame and not break. This is a sign that a dom is losing control and confidence.
The goal is regaining submission and the brat’s respect. A dom may do this by displaying their superior sexuality in the bedroom. For instance, if a brat prefers oral sex, the dom should deny the request and do their favorite activity instead.
Sex is a widely understood language in BDSM. A brat tamer can literally screw the brat out of a sub. If, after sex, the sub feels extremely satisfied despite not having their way, then they know their naughty bratting days are numbered.
The tamer/brat dynamic can be an enjoyable part of BDSM. The push-and-pull element and constant provocations can bring a lot of excitement into the relationship once both parties recognize the playful side of the setup.
Wrapping Up
One would think that brats get a bad rap since they allegedly go against what a D/s relationship stands for. But they’re actually a widely accepted part of the fetish scene. They are a fascinating representation of power exchange in BDSM.
For a dom, dealing with a brat is an excellent exercise of dominance assertion. A brat can be both a handful and an adorable little thing that needs extra care. A dom will have to diversify their portfolio of strategies for submissive handling. They learn new skills while enriching their relationship with their ward at the same time.
The submissive gets to expand their horizon as well. They get to know more about their dom and explore other facets of their role.
The specialized nature of the tamer/brat dynamic is not for everyone. But if you’re both up for a challenge, then give it a whirl!
